


Pretend You're Okay

by getweird



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, F/F, F/M, Insecurity, Love/Hate, Multi, Problems, Relationship Problems, Relationship(s), Sexuality Crisis, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getweird/pseuds/getweird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Leigh has an alcohol problem, Jesy's insecurities take over her life, Perrie gets tired of the hate and Jade finds out she's as straight as Leigh's hair. They all have their own problems and their own ways of dealing with them. Does it drift them apart? Is their friendship strong enough? Will they conquer their fears and problems?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jade's POV

I'm playing with my fingers as Perrie sits down next to me. "Jade, you look so pale. Do you want to eat something? I think I have a sandwich in my bag." She looks at me with worry clear in her eyes.

We only have 3 minutes left before we have to get on stage. I shake my head. "I'm fine. Just a little nervous, I guess." It's a lie.

Perrie takes my hand. "Are you sure?" I look into her beautiful blue eyes and nod. "Positive."

Perrie sighs. "You don't look okay, Jade. Even with all those layers of make up on your face I can tell you're pale. If you want to talk, I'm here to listen okay? You don't have to do this on your own. Whatever it is that you're going trough. I'm here to help you."

I squeeze her hand, which makes me feel weird. Her body so close to mine makes me feel some kind of way. I'm not sure how to describe it. But I do know that I don't want to feel like this. I'm pretty sure it's not friendship that I feel.

I sigh. "Perrie, thank you. Thank you so much. But you can't help me. No one can, I have to do this on my own." It's true, no one can help me, but especially she can't. She's kinda the center of my problem.

I don't want to be anywhere near her, but at the same time I'm dying to. It's so fucking complicated.

It all started when I broke up with Sam. Suddenly my future wasn't clear anymore. I always thought that I'd marry Sam and have his babies. When our relationship was over, I didn't know who I was anymore. I started discovering things about myself. During the past few months I got to know myself better and better. I discovered things that made me feel proud of myself. I also discovered things that left me crying. But the last thing I discovered didn't just make me cry. It broke my heart. It left me breathless. My whole world was turned upside down. I've always slightly known. I just didn't put any attention to it. I mean, I had Sam. And I loved him.

Then I felt this feeling in my stomach when Perrie touched me. I found myself thinking about her a lot. And when I looked at her lips... I wanted to kiss them, so badly. I couldn't take my eyes off her body when she was changing in front of me, I felt so guilty. The guilt was killing me.

The only person who possibly could make me feel better, made me feel even more miserable. More miserable by being there for me. By listening to me and worrying about me. And right now, that person is sitting right next to me. She gives me goosebumps. Her touch makes me stutter. I don't want to fall in love. I'm doing everything to keep myself from falling.

But it's like I can't stop myself, the harder I try not to, the more it's happening. The more I look away from her, the more I want to look into her eyes. The more I distance myself from her, the more I want to hold her in my arms.

I know it's all pointless. She's in love. In love with Zayn. That douchebag doesn't even deserve her, he cheats on her frequently and she knows it. But she's too lovestruck. 

And I know, one day she'll eventually realize Zayn isn't the one, but then? She will find another guy. Perrie will never fall for me. She'll see everything I do for her, to impress her, to make her fall for me, as a friendly gesture. 

If I would tell her about my feelings for her, it would make things awkward and I still wouldn't have a chance to end up with her. It's not fair.

She takes my hand again. "Jade, whatever it is that makes you this bad, forget about it. Let's have a great performance and make our mixers happy, okay?"

If only it was that easy. If only I could forget about Perrie and the way I feel about her. I've been trying that for the past few months and it never worked out.

I smile. "Yeah, let's do that."

We stand up and walk to the couch Jesy and Leigh are sitting on. Jesy is on her phone, her eyes are still red from the crying. Leigh stares into an empty glass as if her eyes could fill it again.

As I stand there, I realize how much of a mess we all are. We're not ready to perform. We're not ready to pretend we're okay again. We're not ready for the future. We need time we don't have. And I'm not even sure if time will heal our wounds. Maybe we just need each other. Maybe we just need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

"Are y'all ready for a great show?" Perrie tries to lighten up the mood, but we remain awkwardly silent. We aren't ready.

Leigh stands up and almost trips over the table. "Kinda" she says, high pitched and very fast. I bet she's been drinking again. I'm really worried about her. I don't know why she started drinking in the first place. Then again, I have the feeling I don't really know who Jesy, Leigh-Anne and Perrie are anymore.

We never see each other when we aren't obligated to be together like we are during performances, interviews and photoshoots. Our friendship has changed so much in the past few months. I'm worried about all of us. It's like Jesy is turning into the insecure girl she was during the X-factor again, Perrie can't handle the hate anymore and Leigh deals with her problems by drinking way too much. And I? What do I do? I don't know. I just try to keep going. I just try not to think about it. But that's so damn hard, when you start catching feelings for your bandmate.

Perrie sits down next to Jesy. "Jesy, love, are you okay? Should I get you some water?" 

What I really admire about Perrie is that she's always trying to help other people, even when she's the one that should be getting help. She's always trying to glue the broken pieces back together, even when she needs it herself.

Jesy shakes her head. "I'm fine, really. Well, not really but don't worry okay? I'll be alright."

Perrie takes Jesy's hand, which makes me feel slightly jealous, and they stand up. I take Leigh's hand and the four of us walk trough the hallway which is leading us to the stage. Within 20 seconds the four of us will be smiling widely again. Everything will be fine, or at least it will look like that. We'll be singing about confidence and being happy when we're broken on the inside. It feels so wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I love our fans. More than anything. I love singing and I love performing. I just... It's too much. I can't handle it anymore. But I don't have a choice.

I inhale a deep breath and walk onto the stage. I look next to me, and Perrie, Leigh and Jesy are already smiling their brightest smiles. They seem genuinely happy, so I smile too. 

The music starts playing and the mixers start screaming. It has begun.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hiii! Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it. This story is going to be full of drama, so prepare yourself lol. This story is NOT about Jerrie, so it will be fun to read even if you don't ship them. (Did I just spoil something? Eh?) Anywaaay, I hope you liked it & I can't wait to upload chapter 2! X Fabienne (@jesymix14 on Twitter)


	2. Chapter 2

I nervously play with my fingers, a bad habit I've been having since forever. The girls and I have an interview for the first time in weeks, maybe even months. Management told us we couldn't do interviews because we were too 'fragile', they were scared we'd crack. I'm not sure why they changed their minds or what did, but they did. So now we're sitting here in this cold huge room. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be asked tough questions, because I don't know how I will react. "Jade, are you seeing a boy?" "Jade, are you in love?" "Jade, do you have a crush?" I'm 99% these questions will be asked, and I'm 99% unsure what to answer.

Obviously, the answer is no. I couldn't possibly say yes, but I need to give a good answer to prevent myself from the following questions. It's the why questions. Perrie will see trough her beautiful blue eyes how I turn red and start to stutter. Lord, save me from this disaster.

"Girls, are you ready? We're gonna air in 10 seconds!" 

Dayna, our interviewer, quickly sits down on the red couch in front of us. "Let's have a nice interview, girls." She winks.

I think Dayna is in her mid twenties. Her hair is weavy blonde and her eyes are green. Her face kinda looks like Perrie's, it's obviously not the same but they show some similarities. Dayna is wearing a short black dress with red high heels. She's definitely good looking and seems really nice as well. It makes this interview a little better.

"We're live in 3..2..1.."

Dayna turns her head to the camera and smiles. "Hi, this is Dayna Crawford. Let me introduce you to our today's guests. I bet you already know them, they've had multiple hits. Let me hear you for Little Mix!" 

The audience applauds and Jesy, Leigh, Perrie and I smile to the camera and wave. "Hiiii!"

"Welcome girls! This is your first interview since months, how are you feeling?"

Jesy smiles. "A little nervous actually, I mean it's been a while! But I'm also excited."

Dayna nods. "I heard your management didn't want you to answer questions, is that the reason why you didn't do interviews anymore?"

"Well, it's not like we weren't allowed to answer any questions. We were just tired of answering the same questions over and over again. We wanted to focus on our third album, on making music. We want this album to be our best one yet. That's why we didn't do so many performances and no interviews. But we promise it's worth it" Perrie says.

Dayna nods. "I can imagine! I bet you're really busy writing songs, I've heard you all write them yourselves."

Leigh-Anne: "Yeah that's true! We get help from a few professionals but we're not putting a song on this album we didn't write. It's gonna be something special."

"I'm really excited to hear the new album. I bet it will be amazing. Do you already have a favourite song?"

I smile. "Oh definitely! There's this one that has been stuck in my head ever since we wrote it. I can't wait to perform it!"

"Yeah Jade has this really cute obsession for this one song. We always have to warn her not to sing it in public! But yeah, even though I really love that song there's other song I can really relate too. When I'm singing it I can really put my feelings into the song. It's amazing. So yeah, I've picked a favourite as well." Perrie says, as she takes my hand and squeezes it.

I get this really warm feeling on the inside and realize we're doing fine. The interview is good so far and our fans get to see Happy Mix. Just 15 more minutes and we'll be done.

Dayna smiles and points to a huge television screen, I hadn't noticed before. "Since this is your first interview in months, we really tried to make this one special. We made you girls a compilation of your carreer, starting with the X-Factor. Are you ready?"

Jesy claps her hands. "That's so cute! Yeah, we sure are!"

Always Be Togther starts playing and I see four small girls, standing on a huge stage. It's the X-Factor final. We all start screaming and hugging Tulisa. We've won. We did it. I burst with pride. Even after all this time, this footage makes the tears well up in my eyes. I look at Perrie from the corner of my eye. I see she's wiping away her tears as well. What's with us and the permanent tears? I crack a smile.

3 minutes and a lot of hugs later, the video ends. "Girls..." Dayna whispers. "Are you okay?" 

Leigh nods. "Yeah we are. It's just... Y'know, times have been quite rough. We're all battling our demons and that's... Sometimes I'm close to giving up. But seeing this... It makes me remember why we're doing all this, in the first place. We... We were trying so hard to make others smile, we kinda forgot about ourselves. But, y'know making other people smile is the best thing in the whole world. And I have these girls. And no matter how hard the times are, they'll be there. I just know. It makes everything a lot easier. Things aren't the way they used to be, which I'm not going to give any details about, but... Yeah. We'll find our way."

Jesy takes her hand. "Yeah we're doing all this together." But are we?

For the remaining 10 minutes, we just chatted a little. The mood lightened up significantly.

"Thank you so much, for this absolutely moving interview girls! I really hope we'll see each other again." Dayna winks at me. Or did I just imagine that she did? I feel my cheecks redden a little.

"Right, that's it!" the cameraman shouts. We stand up and shake Dayna's hands one by one. "Thank you" I whisper. "It was a very special one." 

She smiles. "You're such lovely girls. I really hope that whatever's going on between you... I just really hope you'll figure it out. Especially you Jade. You're just so cute."

My head must have the same colour as a tomato by now.

"I hope I'll see you around again some time! Got to go now, bye girls!" She waves and walks trough the door. God, she was a cute one. Not as cute as... Oh damn.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and when I turn around I look straight into big, bright blue eyes. They're hers, and they'll always be. It will always be her. I just know.

You know, Dayna was cute and I've seen some other pretty and cute girls who made me blush and giggle, but it was never the way it was with Perrie. It couldn't be. This is something special. At least to me. I hate myself for it. Absolutely despise myself. Falling in love with your bandmate, the girl who used to be your best friend of all best friends. Inseparable. We used to be. Nowadays I can't even look her into her eyes without my throat going dry, feeling stones in my stomach. I get washed over with a feeling of guilt. 

"Let's go home, Jade. It's been a rough day."


End file.
